Better Than You

You said to me, “I’m better than you.”
I disagreed and I puffed my chest
but inside I knew, it’s true.

That’s all it took to gain my admiration.
You didn’t have to prove it – I was yours.
My thoughts, poisoned by your put downs, 
were obsessed
with climbing
your ladder
of approval.

What can I do to be your equal?
Maybe if I got a higher score,
Or made friends with yours,
and if they looked up to me
with praise akin
to how they praised you,
you’d raise your chin
and see me eye to eye.
But you don’t
and I don’t
know why.

I’m better at sports,
better at school,
have more friends,
broke more rules,
made more money,
traveled more too.
You know what?
I’m better than you!

But how can I convince you,
like you did me, when my words
don’t phase you at all?
We don’t speak unless I call.
I bet you don’t notice
when the phone doesn’t ring.
I sit and stare, getting madder
by the minute;
You should be begging for my time!

I laugh at your failures.
I say you deserve it.
I try hard to be perfect;
waiting for you
to tell me I’m worth it,
because in your presence
I don’t feel like a person!

A seed planted in my youth,
bloomed to become my truth.
Thoughts into reality,
I’ve doubted me
my entire life.

Years fighting your voice,
only to find;
it was never yours – It was mine.

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